In the last week, I received the long-awaited responses from the two agents who had requested a book proposal and partial manuscript from me. Unfortunately, both were rejections. They were very nice rejections that assured me that the rejection was no reflection on my writing, but that my book simply didn’t fit their needs at this time. And I didn’t take it personally; I know publishing is a business and their decisions were business decisions. That made it a little easier to accept the rejections, but I have to admit that no matter the reason, rejection is just plain hard to deal with.
It’s taken me about a week to let the emotions roll through me—disappointment, discouragement, then finally anger. I questioned my ability as a writer. I wondered if I should quit (not too hard though; I just can’t stay away from my writing very long). Although I know God’s in charge of my project and that my success thus far has been a God-thing, I am ashamed to say that I questioned Him and his plans for my book. He has been so faithful to provide affirmation and encouragement throughout my writing journey, how can I question Him? I began to understand how the Israelites could question God, despite His awesome miracles. I had to admit to myself that I’m not much better than they were.
In the end, I kept doing what I’ve been doing—researching agents and sending out query letters. In a sense, I feel like I’m starting from square one again. But the reality is that I have much more experience now than I did when I began to send out queries in January. I’ve refined my hook, settled into a comfortable form for the letter that gives all the information agents say they want, and know better how to research agents to determine whether they’re a good fit for my book.
Deep down, I know God is in control. He has a plan for my book and it will unfold with His perfect timing. I know that in my head, but I also know that patience is not one of my better virtues. Thankfully, God understands this. I’m certain that’s why He has sent so many affirmations. I can survive this process, but not without God’s strength.